Sunday, May 16, 2010

Naily News #29 + The 5 Worst Australian Songs of All Time

Have you entered The Face Shop Swatch Watch yet.  There's still a week to go so make your vote count!

In other super exciting news, I am now Crush Cosmetics' resident 'nail expert'. If you have any questions, let me know!

Kaz reminds me why I really need to get my hands on some more Zoyas.

Groovy gradiation manicure?  Konadomania has you totally covered in that department.

Opulent Cloud, you need to become mine.  DO NOT MAKE ME STALK YOU.

Michelyn indulges in some scintillating alchemy.

If you thought Antonio Banderas was cute as Zorro, you clearly haven't met Nihrida's Zorro.  Hands down, pants down cuter.

OPI DS Royal, will you marry me?

Barielle's Summer 2010 Collection is lovely.  If you don't believe me, check out Andrea's swatches.

My little sister, Leanne has a fab smART nails giveaway.  Enter and you could win 10 designs of your choice!

We have two new members in the Gum Leaf Mafia: Love Vulcanella and Konadlicious.  Give them some of your love!

If you have a great nail post you'd like to share, paste a link in the comments.

And read on to see something bad...... really bad.  Ok, not so much bad as awkward bad.

So, a little while back, Kaz did a post about great Australian music. And I mean, GREAT AUSTRALIAN MUSIC. But it got me thinking. What if you guys read that post and thought
'Wow, this music is FANTASTIC. So fantastic that I might just pack up my bags and MOVE to Australia so I can hang out with Kaz, Nixxy, Jacie, Hugh Jackman, Sam Worthington. Not Nicole Kidman.  We could listen to this great music all the time and get Hugh to take his top off and Sam to do Clash of the Titan moves'.
In which case you'd be misled. Not about the Hugh and Sam stuff. We could totally arrange that. But great music? Not always. I feel it only fair to share with you…..  

Australian Music's Hall of Shame - Top Five WORST Australian songs of all time

5. Poison - Bardot

Bardot was a band brought together by the magic of reality television and a size zero wardrobe. Their debut single, Poison (an affectionate and heartfelt ditty about pre-emptive stalking) was a big hit here in Australia. The followup singles not so much.

How many of you recognise a considerably plumper Sophie Monk? Unfortunately, given Sophie's luck, this could be the highlight of her career to date.

4. Strawberry Kisses - Nikki Webster

Nikki Webster rose to fame - literally - as the girl of the Sydney 2000 Olympics. It's sad that her career ended up as an advertisement for 'To Catch a Predator'.

3. Mysterious Girl - Peter Andre

I'm totally on Team Andre in most scenarios. But he's wearing so much oil in this video that, even if I did decide to become less mysterious,  I'd probably slide right off him and donk my head on the bedside table.  FAIL.

2. Check 1-2 - Mona

Craig McLachlan is an actor. Not a particularly good one but, here in Australia, that doesn't really matter when you consider that one of our most infamous television shows is about a kangaroo. Since he was pretty bad at acting, Craig decided to try his hand at singing. That was no good either.   

'Tell you Mona what I want to do, I'll build a house next door to you'.

Not if the local council and this AVO has anything to say about it, Craig.

1. Mark 'Jacko' Jackson - I'm an Individual

Oh, this is a fantastic and totally deserving No. 1 and conclusive proof that sportspeople should not ever sing.  Embarassingly, this song apparently made it to so the No. 1 spot on the Australian charts.  Thankfully, Mark's follow-up single, Me Brain Hurts, didn't go anywhere and the world was once again safe.

(Dis)Honourable Mentions

An honourable mention, but one which escapes the top five because it's so bad that it might actually be good is Uncanny X-Men - Everybody Wants to Work

Another honourable mention is Pat Wilson - Bop Girl, featuring a perm-ariffic Nicole Kidman. This video is proof that it's not Botox. Nicole has always looked frozen.

Oh Tina, Tina, Tina. I need your body? I need the name and address of whoever wrote this atrocity.

In conclusion

Despite all of the atrocities, I don't want to leave you guys with a bad taste about Australian music. So here is a classic song by The Flowers (later to become Icehouse) - Can't Help Myself. It's not just the fact that the boys in this video are all prettier than me (which they are). It's the killer baseline which is one of the sexiest of all time - seriously, that first 20 seconds is lady killer material.

Funny story about this song. The year was 2002. Brett and I were in Leeds, England at a nightclub. The club was at that awkward point where it was pretty full but no-one was brave enough to take that first step onto the dance floor. Then this song come on and, literally, 15-20 people - myself included - race to the dance floor. All Australian. All crazy drunk. All badly dancing and miming the lyrics to each other including finger guns. Yes, the dreaded finger guns were deployed. 

Later, the DJ told us that, if he has trouble getting people onto the dance floor, this is his back up song because: a) it's a wicked song; b) he's always guaranteed to have some Aussies in the club; and c) Aussies are madly patriotic and will dance to anything Australian, even the national anthem.

I hope I still have readers after this sojourn into bands that have made deals with the musical devil. But don't get too cocky other countries. Especially you Italy. You gave us this. How this made it past the censors I'll never know.

Have a great week everyone!


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